At around 11:30 AM Tuesday, November 3rd 2009 I, Mouhamad Abdallah finally finished my last HSC exam, Modern History, and well it feels sooooo GREAT!!
I no more have the constant lingering thought of having to do a HSC exam anymore, it is abolished from my life, never to return again. I feel ecstatic, magnificent, brilliant, awesome, epic awesome, i feel sooooooooo hektik now that I don't know how to react to this feeling :)
I celebrated this achievement with the complete massacre of a horde of Nazi Zombies and I was a Nazi myself haha the irony of having to kill my own brethren =P
It was soo much fun =)
And now I have all this free time, soo much free time I'm lost with what to do with it. I might start part-time work or I might just bludge it till february when TAFE starts. Either way I'm celebrating this achievement with some blitzing of myself haha, if ya know what I mean with the green ^_^ haha
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
[?] Honesty & Questionability [?]
Now everyone values honesty and in fact everyone wants it. However there is a cruel fact to this, no one in spite of wanting honesty and hating having being lied to is honest, or completely honest anyway. I myself prefer to be honest at all times that I can but there are times I admit I have to lie or prefer to shroud the truth in a sheet of lies, because it makes things easier to handle. This isn't something I'm proud to admit but it's the truth, and the truth is something honesty is based on, the truth and for me to be honest I must admit to my own dishonesty, haha twisted irony but yeah it's the truth :P
In all this, honesty is always the best way to go because it removes regret, that constant voice shouting "what if?" in the back of your head it does get irritating to carry that voice around for a long time. Honesty remains the best because even when questionable it removes doubt. There are occasions where honesty is never the first thing practiced but that is to test ones trust, to see if the person is trustworthy enough to obtain the truth. I for one know a lot of instances where honesty and trustworthyness are tested and these are tested via question-ability.
To be questioned doesn't hurt, it reveals that there is a sign of interest and that there is mystery behind you yet to be discovered, however it isn't always nice to be questioned all the time, like especially when you're telling the truth. When you're telling the truth you're removing the chance for the truth to be discovered by other means and therefore eliminating doubt about your trustworthiness, but if you're lieing and they find out, well you've made a fuck up. But just because someone lied doesn't mean all bad, question the reason behind the lie, a lot of the times it's for a very valid reason or better yet a wonderful reason. Now I'm not saying lieing is good, I'm saying if they had to resort to it there's a reason behind it than.
Classic example is when someone is attracted to another person, they play a game to test them, assessing their trust, honesty, and overall question-ability to see if they can be with them. If they lie to them it's because they might like them and are shy, or be hurtful in spite of them wanting the opposite. But there is a better route, honesty and if you are honest than it removes the possibility of them being hurt by your display of dishonesty or them misunderstanding the reason behind your lie or lies if there's more than one. Which is the cause of some Relationship mishaps.
Anyway to be honest we all have to destroy that wall of questionability or find the door that lets us through towards the honesty and trust, and with that I give you the reason why I made this post, the theme inspired this picture I made, enjoy :)
In all this, honesty is always the best way to go because it removes regret, that constant voice shouting "what if?" in the back of your head it does get irritating to carry that voice around for a long time. Honesty remains the best because even when questionable it removes doubt. There are occasions where honesty is never the first thing practiced but that is to test ones trust, to see if the person is trustworthy enough to obtain the truth. I for one know a lot of instances where honesty and trustworthyness are tested and these are tested via question-ability.
To be questioned doesn't hurt, it reveals that there is a sign of interest and that there is mystery behind you yet to be discovered, however it isn't always nice to be questioned all the time, like especially when you're telling the truth. When you're telling the truth you're removing the chance for the truth to be discovered by other means and therefore eliminating doubt about your trustworthiness, but if you're lieing and they find out, well you've made a fuck up. But just because someone lied doesn't mean all bad, question the reason behind the lie, a lot of the times it's for a very valid reason or better yet a wonderful reason. Now I'm not saying lieing is good, I'm saying if they had to resort to it there's a reason behind it than.
Classic example is when someone is attracted to another person, they play a game to test them, assessing their trust, honesty, and overall question-ability to see if they can be with them. If they lie to them it's because they might like them and are shy, or be hurtful in spite of them wanting the opposite. But there is a better route, honesty and if you are honest than it removes the possibility of them being hurt by your display of dishonesty or them misunderstanding the reason behind your lie or lies if there's more than one. Which is the cause of some Relationship mishaps.
Anyway to be honest we all have to destroy that wall of questionability or find the door that lets us through towards the honesty and trust, and with that I give you the reason why I made this post, the theme inspired this picture I made, enjoy :)
Sunday, November 1, 2009
/!\ Appreciation & Worth /!\
Well now this is a topic I love discussing because I believe that I can argue this so well and thoroughly. This is due to the fact I have gone through this SOO much, my life was a lonely mess of depreciation, me constantly doubting my worth in this world, constantly questioning how much value I had and even to the point I'd even start demeaning myself, i was a pessimistic dumb ass ... this wasn't long ago, but I consider it long, from basically ever since my high school life I've had issues with this every now and than it coming and going. I've overcome it but now it comes back every now and than, when you have those occasions, you feel you're being used, you're being treated like a spare tire?? Yes theres that side of depreciation and there's the worthlessness you feel when you're being doubted, demeaned, or degraded or misunderstood....a lot of shit can relate to feeling worthless and when you're thinking deep and depressed, stupid stuff can make you feel worthless.
But when I was a kid all that would upset me was my incompetence and ignorance towards the way my family treated me, I used to think they were bad to me and that i deserved better treatment. Well after a little growing up little things like your dad saying no to you aren't a big deal anymore. However because that goes bigger things come in to start this up again. Do you know how hard it is to comfort people?? It's not hard to listen, everyone has the power to listen, and if you've got experience and wisdom on your side, advice and help come into this comfort, but you want to know the hard thing about it?? Will you go unappreciated? That is a dangerous concept, because it can hurt you a lot, to mean nothing but good and with all intentions being good while helping someone you get it slammed back at you to say as if you're not worthy of helping them or that you're too weak for their need.
Sometimes that's not the case but usually that's what gets me, time after time I've helped people and than something comes along to destroy this or something leads me to become phased out so than I'm left thinking to myself, why did I try in the first place?
It's not always like that, a lot of the times with the help I give I make new friends or I strengthen the already existing ones so it helps me not think about depressing things such as depreciation and worthlessness... Meh I hate this time of my life at the moment, nothing seems to be going right and my past depression keeps creeping back to me, I can't do anything right and well I've been doing a lot of stupid stuff lately. I even managed to throw another relationship into the furnace of failure, or at least almost if it isn't already there =( that's another friendship I might not get back and for what, letting my thoughts get the best of me...I usually preach to people I help or motivate think of yourself first, yet with helping others that cannot be the case, and if I try that once it sabotages any relationship you have. Not only that but I can't follow my own advice on anything, being me I find ways to doubt myself, I think my way through any advice I give myself. I really wish I had a hand to pull me out of my fucked up mind right now, I need a distraction, or better yet some help for myself of my own =(
.....I'm stopping this post here because with my pessimistic thinking at the moment I can't find the positives of this topic at all to mention. It was the satisfaction of helping others, it was the thought of knowing I've helped them solve their problems, but at this time I really can't see it as being a valid reason. I wish I could right all the mistakes I've made before, or even current ones but nothing is ever that simple now is it?
But when I was a kid all that would upset me was my incompetence and ignorance towards the way my family treated me, I used to think they were bad to me and that i deserved better treatment. Well after a little growing up little things like your dad saying no to you aren't a big deal anymore. However because that goes bigger things come in to start this up again. Do you know how hard it is to comfort people?? It's not hard to listen, everyone has the power to listen, and if you've got experience and wisdom on your side, advice and help come into this comfort, but you want to know the hard thing about it?? Will you go unappreciated? That is a dangerous concept, because it can hurt you a lot, to mean nothing but good and with all intentions being good while helping someone you get it slammed back at you to say as if you're not worthy of helping them or that you're too weak for their need.
Sometimes that's not the case but usually that's what gets me, time after time I've helped people and than something comes along to destroy this or something leads me to become phased out so than I'm left thinking to myself, why did I try in the first place?
It's not always like that, a lot of the times with the help I give I make new friends or I strengthen the already existing ones so it helps me not think about depressing things such as depreciation and worthlessness... Meh I hate this time of my life at the moment, nothing seems to be going right and my past depression keeps creeping back to me, I can't do anything right and well I've been doing a lot of stupid stuff lately. I even managed to throw another relationship into the furnace of failure, or at least almost if it isn't already there =( that's another friendship I might not get back and for what, letting my thoughts get the best of me...I usually preach to people I help or motivate think of yourself first, yet with helping others that cannot be the case, and if I try that once it sabotages any relationship you have. Not only that but I can't follow my own advice on anything, being me I find ways to doubt myself, I think my way through any advice I give myself. I really wish I had a hand to pull me out of my fucked up mind right now, I need a distraction, or better yet some help for myself of my own =(
.....I'm stopping this post here because with my pessimistic thinking at the moment I can't find the positives of this topic at all to mention. It was the satisfaction of helping others, it was the thought of knowing I've helped them solve their problems, but at this time I really can't see it as being a valid reason. I wish I could right all the mistakes I've made before, or even current ones but nothing is ever that simple now is it?
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