|_--_ At A Mental Stalemate _--_|

Well after a depressing Thursday, screwed Friday, and a boring Saturday, I don't know where I'm heading...Mentally I'm really not depressed it's just this void, like this hole and what I have to fill it with is unknown to me, whether its just emptiness caused by boredom or it's an emptiness caused by my heart...

I prefer to think of it as boredom, mainly because ever since I gave back Call Of Duty World At War back I've had nothing to look forward to turning my PS3 on anymore....NO MORE NAZI ZOMBIES T_T stupid nephew he sucks at the game and yet he wants to play it -__- but whatever it's his game so I just have to wait till my copy of the game gets delivered here :( when I had that game I had something to distract me, to entertain me for hours, it was the only time chaos and mayhem in the form of a massacre of German Nazi Undead was available for me to vent frustration or to just to have some pointless fun. But I managed before I had Nazi Zombies and I was happy but I don't know what I used to do to have fun, mostly anything I try now is boring me instantly. So than there's the other side, am I lonely??

I dunno really, I don't hate being single, it honestly is hassle free but than again I do miss knowing that there's someone out there caring for me and who thinks about me day in and day out. Despite that I don't really think I could find a relationship now, nearly all girls are stupid, ignorant, dumb, blonde, or too thickheaded for them to just be mature. Immaturity I can handle if it's absent, if there's enough incentive for me to continue the relationship, but dishonesty is the main thing I can't handle now, it's just not something I can handle, I'm a truth person, hate lies. I'm pretty sure I'll be able to manage single, but I never look at it as single, I look at it as 'open' to everyone haha =P less ropes the better but lately haven't been exploiting that luxury mainly because of HSC :( stupid school always brings me down. Besides if I was to get into a relationship couldn't be with just anyone, got someone in mind but it's not gonna happen because too much troubles associated with the thought of it so have to avoid my hearts desire and think this one out, if I can't get this emptiness out than OK i'll give it a shot but until than not gonna ruin things or start dramaz...

However right at this moment I'm kinda calm, just bored like epicly bored to the point I'm walking around my room staring at the ceiling trying to get headspins =P which has caused me to be at a mental stalemate, I'm not depressed but I'm not happy either. Not satisfied but not dissatisfied as well. Well I needa figure myself out in the following week, plus side I have something to look forward to...I BREAK MY 4 MONTH ABSTINENCE OF GREEN =D

Haha hopefully this week I won't be sober and be able to toke up again =)

**#** Confused Inspiration **#**

Well after a night of nightmares I woke up feeling odd. Not like an itchy type of odd, more like I had to let something out, creativity was bouncing around my mind...

Now as for the creativity, what inspired the image puzzles me. I think it's main theme is fear but really I have no clue what it's deeper purpose is. I stared at it for a while and fear, journeys, an unending road of troubles is all I can think of. The root of it's inspiration I guess is fear but really I can't agree with this completely... Sure the unknown is a scary thing but I don't completely believe it is scary, I rather look at it as something to venture into, to go ahead and experience because fearing the unknown and not venturing forward will never allow you to experience new and better things. Fear isn't something that should control us, only power us forward because you should not let fear control you, it will slow you down or bring you to a stop, we should not even fear fear itself we should simply not allow it to enter our minds. Sure that seems impossible but it can be done, when fear enters our minds it is extremely hard to overcome it but once done you become extremely exhilarated and hyped up.

Well whatever your take on this image is its your call, I honestly can't grasp exactly how this image was inspired, I'm usually a positive person this comes to me with fear of returning to my anxiety and depressing self...Hopefully that day never returns again...I won't let it return... I enjoy my happiness and dread the days I used to wallow in fear, anger, depression, and upsetting moments, but if they return I will not know what to do, I can not even begin to think of those days again it is just simply not something I wish to do, it will hurt me way too much all those days I used to bottle up my depression...Never again, so far for around a year I've been happy and depression hasn't struck me so I will keep it up. Nothing will throw my mentality in the trash, I will persevere as I have continued to persevere any type of problems and depression risks....whatever I will manage as I have always have.

House Iz Da Shiz =D

Before I start I wanna say I hate FACEBOOK because my account on it is temporarily FUKCED and is constantly not working with problems ranging from inability to log in, to my friends  = 0 and everyones profile being restricted from me...so till it's fixed i as of now have a vendetta against facebook -___-
but anywayz onto what i wanna talk about :)

Ok I have to say that a lot of music is awesome but there's the one defining type of music that is simply the peniccle of awesomosity and it is HOUSE. I don't care what anyone tries to convince me of, house is the BEST type of music being the fact that:

a) it is fast, happy, and hyperactive which can influence you to wake up and not be a dull wreck XD
b) it is played in clubs, and arent clubs where a lot of people go to just have fun?? That's because it puts the fun in da 'house' :P (lame joke i know haha)
c) come on you honestly don't like to dance?? tell me you don't like dancing and your simply a retard end of discussion =D

Sure RnB and Hip Hop have their place, and in fact at times they're the only thing going around but it cannot replace House, house is always in and always fun, I'd prefer house over any song any day because house makes me happy, makes me dance, makes me move, and makes me more perky and less gloomy thinking of past love experiences XD

I even listen to house at times when im trying to pick up gurlz haha because it hypes me up and makes me lose my nerves so I'm more confident and perky instead of pathetic, jittery and stuttering after every second word :P
Also helped me psyche up for exams, others are full cramming and worrying their heads off that they need to remember content, while I'm happily blowing my ears out with house music to boost my confidence which in the end is what everyone needs going into the HSC

And so I end this short post with this

HOUSE IS AWESOME THE PEOPLE WHO SAY ITS SHIT OR HATE IT CAN GOTO HELL AND LISTEN TO HIPHOP OR RAP AS MUCH AS THEY WANT WHILE ILL BE IN HEAVEN DANCING AROUND HAPPILY AND HYPERACTIVELY XD

Housexy is dat ;) haha

|-| A Time Of Serenity =) |-|

Well It's been quite a while since I wrote in my blog, but that's because there's been a lot going on =)

To start, HSC the end of the road for school, the final step to ending your student years as a high school student and with all this hype and tension along with the stress that is associated with the HSC according to reputation would provide reason enough for someone to drop their current happenings to focus on it...reason I say reputation of the HSC is because in reality the HSC is nothing. If you're prepared and can rely on your memory enough to remember all the stuff you've done in class, well you'll be set for it, there's no trick to it, in fact the yearly exams were a lot more tougher than the HSC exams. So far I've done 5 of my 6 exams, and well all of them were nothing like the hype behind them intended them to be, they were quite a wonderful surprise actually =)

Other than the HSC I've also been trying to get my life after school organised, stuff like TAFE, resumes for work, budget planning, stuff like that to prepare myself for some heavy spending that I'll be doing sometime in the not so long future. TAFE I've sent in my application but whether or not I'm in is another thing...I have to wait till December to find out...guess they check your HSC results before final determination so here's hoping my results aren't that bad =P
As for work, part time work to save up for some things, like a car, TAFE supplies like text books and a new computer for my new career as a Games Developer starting February 2010 =D well that's if im accepted enrollment into TAFE but I'm positive I'll get in :)

Well as for now, I'm in a time of serenity, I've never felt more relaxed, calm, and tranquil before, I'm genuinely happy with all this time now available to me, I can worry less about waking up 8 am in the morning to go to school, or sleeping 10-11 pm at night to wake up the next day, now is my time for reward with the reward being time itself :) sadly it means less time with my friends but who says I cant use my newly rewarded time with my friends?? =)

I really look forward to my future, I can't wait for my life to begin because school is just the end of the creation of our foundations for life, now we begin building the structure of our life, enjoying the times we have while building our life and the things that roll our way, whether they are good or bad, I honestly look forward to them because the routine of my life has changed which is what I've been wishing for for a long long time =)